We won't sleep together?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
