Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
