I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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