Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
