u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
honey bunches of taint.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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