I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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