I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
organizing the empties. That sober.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
