Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
