i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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