so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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