Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
