I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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