i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
