So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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