This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
