i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
