If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
