actually, I'm a sock model
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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