omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
