My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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