My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
