his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
