my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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