My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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