this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
