so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
