Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
