No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
