imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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