he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
