The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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