I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
