she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
