Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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