So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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