So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He felt like a one man threesome
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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