You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
