Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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