Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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