So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
