Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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