I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
