i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
