I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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