May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
