Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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