Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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