Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
