I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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