No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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